The one with the psychiatrist.....
by CitizenNancy
Summary: A Frasier/Friends Crossover - Ross seeks help from a Seattle shrink


"The one about the psychiatrist and the friendly people."   
A Frasier/friends Crossover  
  
By CitizenNancy   
  
Frasier got up and stretched. He then lumbered over to the patio window in his apartment and observed the morning sun rising over the row of buildings that faced his.  
"Aw morning. Nothing smells as fresh as a new dawn breaking through the last shreds of an evening gone by." He murmured to himself.  
"Well if it breaks through any louder, I may have to soundproof my room." Frasiers' father Martin quipped as he padded his way slowly across the floor. He used his cane to move across to his lumpy, but well lived in chair.   
"I'm sorry dad, did I wake you?" Frasier asked as he went to the kitchen.   
"No, actually you didn't. I haven't been getting any sleep since Sherry went back to her hometown for that damn high school reunion."   
"How long will she be gone?"   
"Well, for a week. I never went to my own high school reunion much." Martin said as he took his place at the table with Frasier. They had gotten up much earlier than Daphne so Frasier made coffee. "I think I'm doing them a huge favor, by the way."   
"Why's that?" Frasier asked.   
"Lets not get into it." He said. "Lets just say I knew my way around a lot of places I shouldn't have."   
The doorbell rang.   
"Well, that is a side I never saw before." Frasier said as he walked to the front door. "It may show itself again if I can't get to sleep at night without Sherry."   
Frasier smiled slyly and opened the door. It was Niles. In his hand was a large bird cage.   
"Well good morning Frasier." He said happily as he came in the door. "Shall I say that hell has frozen over?" He asked while putting baby on the couch next to Eddie the dog.   
"What do you mean by that?" Frasier asked. "Oh do be careful with the couch, its not scotch guarded."   
"You're right." Niles gasped picking up the cage. "Maybe I'll put it on dads chair. One more stain or two isn't going to a make a large difference."   
"It will make a difference when I'm sitting there smelling bird seed for the next few years." Martin returned. "Can't you just put it out on the patio?"   
"No." Frasier replied. "What do you mean has hell frozen over?"   
"You told me last week that you wouldn't get up at this time again until hell freezes over. I suspect you have something going on that you are not telling us."   
"Course he does." Martin said shooing Eddie away from his chair. "I'm always the last to know, remember?"   
"All right, I will satisfy your nagging curiosity and tell you what is on my mind." Frasier said.   
"Fine, but can you put some heat under it? I have aerobics in half an hour." Niles noted while sitting down.   
"You don't have an aerobics class, Niles. Not since you pulled a hand muscle trying to open the front door of the gym!" Martin reminded him.   
  
"Yes, but the experience was very enriching all the same." He replied.  
"Okay, yesterday I was at the studio when I got this fascinating call about a love and how it suddenly went wrong." Frasier said while Daphne came in the door with some paper bags. "Have you been reading my harlequin novels again?" Daphne asked. "I told  
you I read those only to go to sleep at night."   
"This is not about those novels you so cleverly hide in dads workout mat. Although I must say that reading even one line of that dime store trash would put me in a coma."   
"So it is just like your love life Frasier, short, little evidence of a plot and an ending that goes positively nowhere." Niles noted.   
"And I think I can hazard a guess where on which section of a book store would have your love life. The Science Fiction isle perhaps?" Frasier retorted to his younger brother. Niles sat with his mouth agape for a second.   
"Touché'." He finally responded. "Well go on with your story. We're all on needlepins."  
"Okay, this young man from New York called..." He began again.   
"How is that possible?" Martin asked. "I didn't think your show could be heard that far out, especially since you missed the big syndication deal with Big Willie before he died at Bebes wedding."   
"I'll get to that in a moment." Frasier said mildly frustrated. "Now please? No more interruptions?" Frasier sat on the couch with Niles.   
  
Roz pushed a button on her side of the window she was sitting on.   
"Okay Dr. Crane, we have time for one more call." She said while punching another button on the phone near her.   
"I'm listening." Frasier said his trademark line before the caller started talking.   
"Hi, uh, this is Ross Geller." The caller said. "I live in New York..."   
"Oh , I didn't know that we had that far of a reach."   
"You don't. I work at a museum and I'm here for a conference, this is the last day." He informed him.   
"Okay, go on with your problem." Frasier said.   
"Well, its about this. I loved this girl Rachel for like forever, Dr. Crane. Anyway, long story short version, we eventually got together. This year was gonna be our one year anniversary. She quit her job and got another with an extremely handsome man."   
"So naturally you got jealous about her possibly dumping you and pursuing this other man."   
"Thank you!" Ross said. "I felt the exact same way but Rachel and everyone else made me think I was too paranoid about something that would never happen. We eventually had a fight and she wanted to take a break."   
Roz rolled her eyes. "And you believed her? For a guy who works with bones, you're not very bright."   
Frasier covered the mike."Inxay on the comments please?"   
"Yeah whatever, thats my two cents." Roz responded.   
"Please, Ross, will you continue?" Frasier returned to the phone call.   
"Well I thought had broken up with me. I went to a dance club and met a couple of my friends. I met this girl and we got along very well. And then somehow, I don't remember how, I ended up sleeping with her."   
"Oh my god." Roz muttered.   
Frasier gave her a look.   
"Anyway she called and wanted to make up, but she did eventually, through an old co-worker, find out about the one night stand."   
"And so you broke up." Frasier said.  
"Yes, and I dated another girl named Bonnie. Recently Bonnie shaved her head again, she did that a lot before I dated her, and Rachel admitted she still loves me. She was mad about what I did, she said, but it didn't stop her from loving me."   
"Interesting." Frasier noted.   
"So Dr. Crane. What should I do? Should I do the smart healthy thing and move on with my life with Bonnie? Or should I go back to Rachel? I need some real help here, doc, I'm running out of options."   
  
"I must say that, that was a history making moment. For the first time a caller had me stumped."   
"Considering your history, I would have thought it would happen on the first day you were on the radio." Niles said.   
"So what did you do?" Martin asked.   
"Well, it was an impulse response. I got up this morning thinking about it."   
  
"If you don't mind Ross, I would like to come to New York and get a closer look at your situation." Frasier said. "In order to get a valid solution to your problem and not use something someone would blurt out," He said looking at Roz. "And I would like to bring  
my brother with me. Perhaps he can shed some light on your quandary."   
"Sure, but I was pretty much hoping that you can give me something to think about before you got here." Ross said.  
"Then think this over. Are you doing either this Rachel or Bonnie any good by keeping your feelings secret?"   
"That is something to think over. Thanks Dr. Crane." Ross said hanging up.  
  
"Then he simply hung up. Had a plane to catch or something." Frasier ended the story.   
"Interesting." Daphne said. "And of all the people he could have told too."   
"What do you mean?" Frasier said.   
"Nevermind." Daphne said. "So Frasier when were you planning on telling Dr. Crane about his unexpected vacation?"   
"Yes, dear brother. Enlighten all of us." Niles agreed with Daphne.   
"Well I was going to call you this morning, but these days I don't know whether you're at the Montana or at Maris's."   
"That may well become my permanent residence soon. The way things are going with Maris I may actually get to hold her hand next week. Especially when she gets back from her annual skin warming session in Italy."   
"I was hoping to hop a plane to New York this afternoon." Frasier said.   
"I doubt that will be doable. In all my life, Frasier, I have never paid a house call to any of my patients, no matter how loony they were."   
"Niles! How can you back down from a chance to perhaps unite two people who were meant for each other?" Frasier said. Niles stared at Daphne and he lapsed into a mild trance. "Niles!"   
"That would be nice." He said recovering. "I mean it will be very helpful for my divorcee singles group next week."   
"So will you come with me?" Frasier asked.   
"Yes." Niles said getting up. "I'll get my things and be ready in half an hour."   
  
"Taking flight."   
Seattle Airport   
  
Frasier and Niles set their luggage on the plane and waited by their gate. Daphne and Martin chose to stay at home instead of being at the airport. Mostly it was their curiousity of who was replacing Frasier the week he would be in New York. This was info Frasier already knew and was about to share with Niles.   
"I can't believe Roz let me talk me into letting her substitute for me while I'm gone." Fraiser mused.   
"Well, as I can already see, I think when you return everything will be perfectly normal...outside of the riot outside the studio." Niles pointed out.   
"Riot? Whatever for?"   
"Well, and I think Roz would phrase it this way, they will want her butt on a silver platter."   
"Ah." Frasier nodded. "And put so eloquently too, I might add."   
"Thank you." Niles looked up. "That is our boarding call." He grabbed his carry-on. Frasier looked at the bag and was suddenly relieved that he managed to talk Niles out of taking baby the parakeet with them. "So what shall we expect when we reach the city  
that never sleeps?"   
"Well, I suppose we should expect the unexpected." Frasier said as they entered the tunnel to the plane.   
  
Meanwhile thousands of miles away in an apartment in New York   
"Are you out of you mind Ross???" A dark haired woman exclaimed.   
"Would you let me explain?" Ross said as he followed his sister Monica Geller around her apartment. "I had a very good reason for talking to Dr. Crane."   
"Yeah." Another dark haired man in a suit said. "Otherwise he would have ordered the shrink he saw in JC Penneys last month."   
Monica looked up. "Chandler, you're not helping." Chandler Bing got up and grabbed his briefcase."Time for me to leave anyway. Hey Ross, don't forget to tell the Crane guy about my boss."   
"I thought you said he stopped hitting you on the butt." Monica said.  
"He did." Chandler paused at the door. "Then he got his second wind." Chandler added as he closed the door.  
Monica turned to Ross. "So when is he coming, and more importantly when are you gonna tell Rachel about this?" Ross chuckled nervously. "I thought it better that she didn't know."   
"What?" Monica asked. "I think she'll freak out even more if she finds out you hired a shrink to study her and Bonnie. You better tell her before he comes."  
"I will eventually, and Dr. Crane is bringing his younger brother."  
Monica sat up. "Really?"  
"Don't get too excited I think he's married."   
"Oh." Monica sighed.   
  
On the plane   
  
Frasier put aside his glass of bourdeaux. He looked out the window briefly but not for too long. The scenery was now was very familiar, like an old friend. The plane was going to New York instead of his usual destination of Boston. Frasier saw his son Frederick as often as he could, while at the same time trying to avoid his ex-wife Lillith. Lillith had been long dubbed "The ice queen" by Niles. Then he took it back, noting that the statement had not been cold enough. It was enough to produce a small chuckle.  
"Did you manage to call Maris before you left this afternoon?" Frasier asked as Niles fussed with his seatbelt.  
"I certainly did. I know how she hates it when I go off on my jaunts alone." "Yet she sure didn't mind not telling you about her own trip to New York two years ago."  
"I told you she had a good reason." Niles said. "When Chanel is on sale shes not quite herself."  
"You have that right. Dear thing may actually register a pulse."  
Niles glared at Frasier, then decided not to comment on that. "We will be landing soon. I hope you have some of plan on how to conduct this examination of yours."  
"Ours." Frasier corrected.  
"Uh uh. I am here mostly because you promised this Ross you would bring me."   
"Well, if you feel the need to become involved, do me the courtesey of warning me first."  
"Fine."   
  
Later on   
  
Frasier grabbed his bag off the luggage rack and walked toward Niles as he waited quietly near the exit.   
"Shall we?"   
Niles was about to hail a cab when one pulled up in front of them "Wonderful service." Niles noted, that until a ditzy looking blonde woman emarged from the car.   
"Hi!" She said. "Are you Drs. Frasier and Niles Crane?"   
"Yes we are." Frasier said.  
"I'm Phoebe. Ross sent me to pick you up. Save you the cab fare."   
"That was very generous of him." Niles said as Phoebe opened the trunk.   
"We will be there in a few minutes. Chandler says I drive like a maniac but what does he know? He doesn't even have a car." Phoebe stated. "Heres a pillow. Hold it in front of you when we stop. And that will be quite often."   
Frasier and Niles got into the car and awaited whatever was ahead of them.  
  
"Two neatniks and some bad coffee"  
  
Upstairs   
  
Ross paced nervously in the middle of the floor. Joey came and watched him pace.   
"Careful there. You might walk a hole in the floor and fall in Mr. Heckles old apartment." Joey warned.   
"Ross is nervous." Monica said checking a roast in the oven. "He called a shrink in Seattle and he and his brother are coming to talk to him and Rachel about Bonnie and stuff."   
"Didja call Dr. Ruth?" Joey said sitting at the table.   
"If we were only that lucky." Ross answered. "I called Dr. Frasier Crane." He replied adding a sense of importance to Frasiers name.   
"Who?" Joey asked.   
"He's a very good psychiatrist." Ross said. "I want to know what to do about Rachel and no offense, you guys havent been the biggest help."   
"When does Rachel get home?" Monica said.   
Ross thought for a minute. "She said said didnt know. But then why would she tell me?"   
"Good point." Joey noted.  
  
Central Perk   
  
Phoebe braked the car to a sudded halt. Niles quickly held up his pillow while Frasier took another heavy knock to the head.   
"Wow!" Phoebe said. "Even Monica knew to be ready with the pillow after a while."   
"Why are we not going to Ross's apartment?" Frasier asked rubbing his head.   
"Well, I think Ross figured it would be easier to see Rachel and him in action if you were at her place rather than at his." Phoebe explained.   
"Aw." Niles sighed. "Why do I have the feeling its going to be a long night?"   
  
Upstairs.   
  
Ross hovered by the window. He snapped his fingers.   
"Phoebes back!" He said and went over to the door.   
"Are they with her?" Monica asked going over to the window. "I don't see them."   
The door opened as she said that.   
"Hi!" Phoebe said as she set her purse on the counter.   
"Are you Ross?" Frasier said as he walked over to Joey.   
"I seriously doubt it. I would never cheat on a girlfriend." Joey said. Ross gave him a dirty look. "Well none that I'll admit to."   
"I'm Ross Geller. This is my sister Monica. She lives here with Rachel." Ross re-explained the whole story to Frasier while Niles wandered around the apartment.   
"Dear me." Niles said. "There is an unattractive nude obese man hanging curtains." He pointed across the alleyway to the neighbors apartment.   
"Just be glad he didnt choose mini-blinds." Joey said. "I gotta go. My agent really wants to me to do this stupid audition. I'll see you guys later."   
Frasier turned away from the door. "Well Ross, is there place we can chat privately?"   
"Sure, the patio is right out thatg window over there." Ross pointed. Frasier followed him out.   
"Amazing, with a place like this, I'm surprised theres a bathroom." Niles said to himself.   
"What did you say?" Monica said looking up. She was setting the table for dinner.   
"Nothing." Niles said. He turned to her and watched her for a bit. "What are you doing?"  
"I'm setting the table. My parents are coming over tonight."   
"Well you'll create a good and lasting impression if you put the salad fork closer to the salad bowl area."   
"I want them here."   
"But thats wrong." Niles said becoming insistant. He picked up the forks and moved them just as Monica put them back.   
"I know what I'm doing, ok? I was a chef at a fancy restaurant."   
"What was the name of the place, McDonalds?"   
"And what do you know?"   
"I watched Marta set the table for years. The salad fork goes over here. And look you got the water level in the glasses all wrong. I shall have to do something about this."   
"Oh no you wont." Monica quickly said. Niles looked over at the "patio" area outside.  
"Frasier!" Niles yelled.   
"Ross!" Monica said at the same time. They both glared at each other.   
"If you had been working for my wife, you would have been fired." Niles said.   
"If I was working for your wife, I would have done her a favor and quit first." Monica returned.   
"Touche'."   
  
Rooftop   
  
Frasier turned and yelled in the window. "Whatever it is you'll have to take care of it yourselves."   
Ross chuckled. "Siblings."   
"I know what you mean. Niles and I have been the way we are since we were born. Now lets get back to you."   
"Well Dr. Crane..."   
"Call me Frasier."   
"Okay...Frasier. Where did we leave off?"   
"You were up to the beach house."   
"Yeah. Well after I went upstairs I had to choose which room I went into. And I chose..."   
  
"Rachel, and a unexpected twist."   
  
Frasier was still listening to Ross's story about what had happened to them at the beach house.  
"I chose to go into Rachels room." Ross said. "I know I hurt Bonnie but I still have very strong feelings for Rachel." He stood up and paced. Frasier watched him very thoughtfully. "Now I want to get back together with her now more than ever."   
"If you want Rachel, you should tell this Bonnie whats going on and what your real feelings are. In my opinion Bonnie was just a rebound girlfriend. I knew that even before I came here. You must tell Bonnie its over and you want to go to Rachel. She will most  
definitely be hurt, Ross, you must realize. But in this situation it was a win lose situation. Someone was bound to get hurt sooner or later."   
"Thanks Dr. Crane." Ross sighed. "I guess all I have to do now is wait for Rachel to come home and tell her how I feel."   
Monica ducked her head in. "Ross, I gotta go to the store to get more capers. Apparently Dr. Cranes brother doesn't think there is enough."   
"Well how many do you have?" Frasier asked.   
"Enough for four people."   
"That'll be enough."   
"Well I gotta go anyway, I have to pick up my dress." Monica looks at Ross. "I'll see you later on tonight."   
Monica left the two sitting on the patio.   
  
Few minutes later   
  
Rachel opened the door of her apartment to find a man dressed in a tie and suit sitting at her table.   
"Hi? And you are?" Rachel said sitting her bag next to Niles.   
"I am Dr. Niles Crane. Frasier, my brother..." He suddenly remembered that Frasier told Niles not to tell Rachel about the fact they were in fact psychiatrists out to help Ross. "..is an esteemed colleague that Ross met when he was at the Seattle dino convention."   
"Gee, just what I need. More fossil stories." "She sat down.   
"Oh my god, shes beautiful." Niles thought. "Ross doesn't deserve a girl like her."   
"What do you do?" Rachel asked eating one of the appetizers. Then she stopped once she realized the hissy fit Monica would throw if once of her capers were missing.   
"I'm a psychiatrist." Niles said, then realized his slip. Seeing no sense in lying he decided to tell the truth. His version of it anyway. "Ross called me up wondering what to do about you and Bonnie. Which girl he should pick."   
"Actually Niles, I was gonna tell Ross I want him back tonight." Rachel rose. Niles got up.   
"No need to rush the decision, we have all night."   
"Actually there is a rush. I have been thinking it over since the beach house." Rachel said and spotted Frasier and Ross on the patio. She rushed over to the window and climbed out.   
"Ross!" Rachel said. "Niles told me the whole thing. Do you really want to be with me cause heaven knows I want to be back with you."   
"Yes, I want you back too." Ross said. "This is Dr. Frasier Crane, a radio shrink from Seattle..."   
"What?" Rachel said. "But Niles just said you called him and that Frasier was some kind of fossil expert."   
After she said that they all looked in Niles direction. He shrugged.   
"OOPS." Niles spoke.   
Frasier glared at him. "We have to go, since this is as resolved as its gonna be while we are around." He grabbed Niles by the arm. "We'll talk about this at home."   
  
Rachel looked at Ross. "Thank god they are gone." She wrapped her arms around Ross's next. "Now we can catch up on lost time." She then kissed him.   
Niles was hailing a cab to the airport. Frasier had not said anything to him since they had left the Geller/Green apartment.   
  
"I can't believe you did that." He said finally.   
"Did what?" Niles said.  
"Deliberately keeping two people apart like that."   
"I do seem to recall you telling me to wait one night before telling Daphne how I felt about her. Then she found that guy who looked exactly like me."   
"What if Maris heard about the way you were looking at this Rachel person." Frasier said.   
"She would never hear of it." Niles said positively.   
"How can you be so sure?"  
"She wouldn't. Shes 3/4's death in both ears. Marta had to practically scream to tell her I that wanted a divorce last year."  
Frasier shook his head. "How you were attracted to each other I will never know."   
"She said she loved lost causes. Whatever that means." Niles said. On that note a taxi finally arrived and took the brothers to the airport and whatever was waiting for them at the radio station and at home.  
  
The end. 


End file.
